There’s nothing we love more than scouring Sephora online, filling our shopping carts, and checking out with some of the best presents to ourselves being delivered right to our door. These little presents to ourselves is made possible by our hard-earned disposable incomes, as well as through the justification of others. After all, how can we feel good about our $479 charge to our credit card if there wasn’t at least a good reason for doing so?!
In order to feel better about our crippling debt, we depend on product reviews to prove to others how valuable our expense really was. And Sephora customers don’t disappoint when it comes to sharing their take on the items we covet, and they often urge us to add some products to our bag we may have never even considered. Sephora shoppers are part of a community, a community of shopaholics, makeup fanatics, and chicks who will pay literally anything to turn their ugly faces into something beautiful.
With that, we’d love to share with you some hilarious reviews from Sephora shoppers who have either loved or hated the products they’ve bought. Warning: this post may cause a boost in your online shopping habits or will have you making a stop off at Sephora on your way home from work.
15. When Urban Decay Saves A Hard Day
At the end of the day, what you ultimately want out of your collection of makeup is for it to hold up in times of crises. Unfortunately, this girl had to learn the hard way that this Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion is legit ballin’. Her eyes maintained their hit of colour throughout a nasty breakup and periods of on and off crying. If that’s not a product that lives up to its name and claim, I don’t know what is. It may run at a high cost, but a little goes a long way with this tube, so b***hes be justifying making this expense given this rave (and tear-filled) review. What’s a couple hours of pay compared to six months of epic and flawless eyes?
14. Now That’s A Solid Finish
We’re not sure which product this girl’s reviewing, but we definitely want in on this action (pun intended). If her makeup can last throughout kissing, beard friction, sweating, and facial contortions without so much as smudging, or at least mild fading, then that’s a makeup brand that has seriously done its part for women everywhere and is worth making a run to Sephora for. While the brand probably won’t be slapping this review up on their website anytime soon, we hope that makeup artists and lovers somehow discover how awesome it is and its long-lasting effects. If anything receives a rating above its allotted maximum, it deserves to be shared. While we’re dying to know what product this girl is rockin’, it’s probably for the best since we’d be tossing this article to the wind in favour of hitting up the closest Sephora.
13. That’s One Thought-Provoking Scent
When it seemed like the writer of this product description was reaching the point of no return, she turned it around with that shady hit to the brand who distributed this aroma. It’s one thing to call the scent a “musty-gray odor”, but it’s another to go into such descriptive detail of exactly how she arrived at her review. Everyone likely knows what scent she’s talking about and is something we’ll all be able to picture and frankly, we don’t want none of it. It’s bad enough when Grandma hands down her decades old sweaters to you out of hopes you’ll get some additional wear out of them, but having to suppress yourself from sneezing every time you enter her house from the dust and arid environment is an image and memory we’d like to keep ourselves from picturing while preparing for a date with a splash of fragrance.
12. The Foundation Of Romance
Dior. Is there anything you can’t do? This brand has long been admired for its classy elegance, timelessness, and longevity. For this loyal brand advocate, Dior continued to lived up to its name through its foundation (not necessarily in class, but definitely in durability) while their biggest fan screamed Oooh la la! And now that we know which brand maintains its hold throughout a night of passion and a shot of bodily fluids, we’re seriously considered throwing out our weak and flimsy pharmacy brand in favour for this elegant and reliable French foundation. When it comes to choosing a foundation, all makeup enthusiasts know that a strong hold is worth every penny, so doling out the bucks for a flawless face delivered by none other than Dior is not something we’ll think twice about.
11. Eyeliner That Can Go All Night Long
Eyeliner is a tricky form of makeup to apply, but it’s even trickier to maintain. Between all the batting of those eyelashes, itchy eyes, getting snowflakes caught on your lids, or crying during romance flicks, the eyes get a lot more traction than we might think. Your eye makeup is at risk of smudging or running every hour, so it’s no surprise when you return home at the end of a long night looking like a zombie. While it makes for an easier removal process, that’s the last thing on your mind when you’re wanting to look mint throughout the day to impress others. Enter reliable reviews. With the help of others who have survived nights of vomit and crying and lived to tell the tale, we thank you. Without your help, we’d forever be Cinderella by day and Fiona by night.
10. Giving Kim K A Run For Her Money
Well, will you look at that? Two back-to-back and glowing, yet intense and disturbing, reviews from super fans of this seemingly basic cosmetic brush. Between the both of them, the lengths to which they’d go to in order to make this item a staple in their makeup bag is borderline criminal. We get it. It’s a great af brush, but how great can a collection of bristles and a stick really be? Well, if it guarantees us looking like Kim K, we’re game to try it, but count us out of selling some questionable and valuable merchandise in order to obtain it. We’re interested, but maybe not that interested. Either way, we’re pretty sure they meant this in the sense that, regardless of its price, they’d resort to great lengths to get the very last one available before moving on to any other brand. Now that’s brand loyalty!
9. Oil Spills Are Bad, Unicorns Are Good
Sound the alarm, ‘cause this girl has just found a goddamn miracle product! Anything that can turn a petrol oil spill into a unicorn sheen is a truly magical item that’s seriously making us regret spending our money on groceries this month and not on a valuable trip to Sephora. Because, who the heck doesn’t want to look like a glowing unicorn? If you say no, you’re lying to us and yourself. You want to get in on this action, so turn your own petrol spillage of a face around and slap that credit card down on the counter because with your new glow, you’ll be able to land a guy who will pay off that balance. Fact: all men love unicorns. So ride your Toyota Corolla stallion to the nearest retailer who will make all your shimmery skin dreams come true.
8. Perhaps Pharrell Should Just Stick To Music
Why Pharrell Williams (or any celebrity for that matter) decided to branch out into developing a fragrance line is beyond us. While it’s unique that its claims to be a scent for both boys and girls, this desire to be satisfying to both genders is making people turn up their noses. From being compared to dog farts and a cougar-like broad at a whiskey bar, this scent ain’t making people Happy. Instead of being “woody”, it’s being compared to convenience store incense, but way worse. These reviewers must really hate this gender neutral cologne, or maybe they just really hate Pharrell Williams. All we know is that we wouldn’t touch the stuff even if it was offered for free in a gender neutral washroom.
7. A Mascara That Can Withstand Any Freakout
This mascara is racking up so many great reviews that they should start a fan club! For one self-declared lifer, her experience with the popular mascara proved to be even more enlightening than it was for others. After a drug-induced freakout, she found herself hysterically crying and rubbing her eyes, to which her mascara held up, much to her surprise and teary glee! Now, we’ve never cried over the performance of a mascara before, but we’re not above it if it ever were to happen. This is why we’re frantic that these reviews didn’t name drop in between their promising declarations of things like its “my ride or die” and “doesn’t smear or get flaky”, and our personal favourite, “literally heaven”. We need no more convincing, you’ve already sold us.
6. A Highlighter So Good You Can’t Even See It
To be honest, we’re not sure what to make of this product. She gave it a five star rating, but her words suggests that its performance may be a little too intense. While it may have interrupted their gaze while making love, we’re not sure about the circumstances. Were they in the presence of a disco ball? Concert lighting? If the right source a light hit this highlighter just right, I mean, I guess we can see how the reflection could damage someone’s vision. And if not, then what the heck are they blending into this pigment, shards of mirror? As much as we want to attain a flawless glow, the last thing we want is to cause a car accident because the afternoon sun bounced off our cheekbones and into the eyes of some driver.
5. The Value Of A Good Primer
Another primer that’s working wonders for its wearers! It seems sad to read that so many women are being dumped while sporting a full face of makeup, but we’re not sorry because without all this drama, we wouldn’t be getting all these astounding makeup reviews! After all, your face really has to go through a rough experience to know exactly just how well your makeups brands are gonna hold up. If you ask us, brands should pay women to wear their products at dance clubs, during vigorous sports games, and heck, even funerals, to really test out the longevity of the product. If at the end of the day or night their foundation or eyeliner holds up, then they’ll forever have loyal buyers. Samples work, too. In fact, send us some, please?
4. What Nightmares Are Made Of
Oh boy, what’s this? A nightmare-inducing face cream? We’re gonna pass for now on this one, but we’d be lying if we didn’t say we weren’t at least a little intrigued. Even if we don’t end up using it on ourselves, we could always gift it to someone we’re hating on or wish to see suffer. Muah ha ha! Look at that. We aren’t even using this product and it’s influencing our mind. As much as we’d love a dewy morning complexion and to inhale the sweet fumes of lavender before hitting the pillow, our minds are far too busy as it is, thank you very much. We’ll save the nightmares for the movies or, like, never. But hey, if you’re looking to get your night sweats on, then this product may be for you!
3. Our Generation Does Rock
Living in the twenty first century definitely has its perks, aside from the endless capabilities of smartphones and extreme food trends, such as rainbow bagels, sweet potato toast, and Nutella everything. The best and least expected rise to fame is makeup that just won’t quit. Throw everything you want at it and these miracle products are gonna hold up. Pretty soon, learning about it’s reliability during a lovemaking marathon will be a thing of the past as new products will be claiming it’s ability to wash off seamlessly. Either way, we’re happy with the trends on the makeup front because it means that we can go from the office to the gym to happy hour all while still wearing yesterday’s perfectly styled application and zero worries.
2. That’s One Pleased Customer
This is one satisfying product, and in more ways than one according to this user! If anyone has a lot of experience with makeup, it’s a pole dancer who’s donning it nightly on both her face and her lady bits. Unfortunately for this pole dancer, she got a little carried away with the product and it tainted her perception of her current bottle of foundation. Well then. At least she’s willing to go buy another one, as it effectively fulfilled its initial job. Seems it also fulfilled another job, baddum-chhhh! Sorry, we couldn’t resist. Point is, this foundation is good. Real good. And we bet from this user experience that other people will be basing their purchase off of this exciting review and testing just how good it is, at home, and in the privacy of her makeup kit.
1. Ladies Be Doing Anything For A Good Brush
Here’s another crop of females looking to get in on this ritzy brush train. From the third review, we’ve concluded that a single brush has the high, high price tag of $300. Wowza! We’ll stick to our $30 blending bulb (that is literally a tenth of the price!) and our set of pharmacy brushes, thank you very much. While we want to understand why these ladies had to go to such great lengths to afford some hair that’s capable of applying flawless foundation, we just can’t. Miracle product or not, $300 bucks is way beyond our budget and we’re not afraid to shut that down. In fact, some of us may just end up divorced as a result of charging our joint accounts with this frivolous, albeit no doubt effective, item.